Let me just start off with this: I hate writing. That's not to say I'm not capable of being good at it. It just doesn't interest me.
With that being said, naturally, I have started this blog. Please be aware that at times this may look like rambling nonsense, but that is essentially what it is. Those times at night when my mind is running crazy, I need to get it out. And I think being able to share it will help. In addition to this, I have again joined Facebook. I'm not sure how long it will last, but being connected helps me to not feel so alone. It will be very limited- I am deleting many, many of the pictures, as long with a few hundred friends. Those who remain: Brothers, Sisters, a few networking people and the only friends I feel I have. Granted, there are a few I would love to get rid of but for now, I would rather avoid the argument.
Restructuring my life is not going to be easy. In the past, I have always tried and gradually gave up. Which leads me to then continuously lie to myself and those around me. Eventually, all of the overwhelming feelings creep back in until I explode. Back at square one. The journey and struggle is about me, but the goal and motivation is about you, the ones reading this. Anyone can be satisfied with themselves, but you guys are what make me happy. I want to do this for you. Hurting you and pushing you away is no longer OK with me. My life and actions affect many of you, and I want the affect to be a positive one.
I am happiest when I can make those around me happy.
One of my biggest problems: Negativity. I have never realized how negative I am until recently. This is not to say I won't have bad days, but the woe is me crap has got to stop. As my friends, I am asking you to help me. If you see the negativity. call me out on it. Sometimes we're not really aware of the things we do, say, or how we act until we're told. Remember, I will have bad days so try not to confuse the two. Feed back helps, the hardest part is being able to listen to it.
In addition to calling me out, if you have any encouragements, words of wisdom, quotes, song, lyrics, "Hey keep up the good work!" I would appreciate it. Positive reinforcement is always welcome and would let me know I am on track.
This isn't about making sure I write everyday or detailing every event in my life. It's to allow me to get out those feelings that are stuck, and knowing that people can hear me helps.
"I’ve never understood pity and self-pity as an emotion. We have a finite amount of time. Whether short or long, it doesn’t matter. Life is to be lived." Dr. Randy Pausch
No comments:
Post a Comment